My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I just want to make out with him forever
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
