p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
