he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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