Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
this will be a night to untag.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Let's get the cat blown out
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
