Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Randomize
