We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
