Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
