Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Blood and glitter go together right?
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
