Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
