Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
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