He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
