Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
