question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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