I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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