Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
