Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
