Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
