I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize