so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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