I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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