btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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