You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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