woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
