Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
