You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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