Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Randomize
