I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
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