I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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