I am in a vortex of obligation.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
