did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
