I just threw up on my dentist
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Randomize
