I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
