So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
