Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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