Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
