ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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