No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Randomize
