I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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