i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize