I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Randomize
