i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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