woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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