so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I need to calm my uterus...
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
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