Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
