so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Randomize
