He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
My liver just had a heart attack.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
