well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Randomize
