just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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