kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
