You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
