My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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