The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
