I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
