Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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