I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Randomize