I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
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