I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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