I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
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