If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
