i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
