so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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