Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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