Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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