i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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