it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
no you cant smoke seaweed
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Randomize
