New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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