doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize
