Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
They are going to name an STD after you.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
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