So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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