Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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