I accidentally burped into my bong.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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