Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
