see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
