Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
